Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Great Expectations

No, not the book, but my unrealistic mental picture of what Christmas should be like. I do it every year as an adult. I remember those childhood Christmases. Though far from "perfect", they were always a day that was much anticipated and thoroughly enjoyed. I don't know what it is exactly that I am expecting out of Christmas. Something more Martha Stewart-like? Maybe Little House On The Prairie? I can't quite figure it out. This year, being what it was, I felt more disappointed in myself then ever before. The gift-giving dwindled down to 4 people out of the so many, many that deserved a gift ( if not 2 or 3!) from me.
I try to step back from it a bit, now that it has mercifully passed. I try to appreciate something in Nature everyday, be it bright sun, snow or freezing cold. I feed the birds, savor the walk to the mailbox and admire the pine trees. Maybe it shouldn't be what I expect out of Christmas, but what Christmas expects of me. An open heart, a forgiving soul, a joyous spirit. A creative mind and busy hands. Gentle words and the abitlity to express them...out loud. Thankfulness for all I have and humbleness to accept what I can not change.

Thursday, December 24, 2009


My days are measured by what I can accomplish. It is on a more muted scale then in previous times, but I still need to move forward in some way.

Finished appliqueing the last 9 squares of a quilt and then sewed the blocks and rows together. Hopefully, the wide border will be put on soon. It will have a winding "vine" dotted with the stars and some crescent moon shapes.

Made a bird suet wreath for my mother-in -law. A very easy recipe of 1/3 cup (six envelopes) of plain gelatin powder, 1/2 cup of hot water. This is mixed on medium heat until the liquid is clear and all the gelatin is dissolved. Then add 5 cups of mixed bird seed and let it cool slightly. I pressed my mixture into a bundt pan to make a wreath, but the mixture can also be spread on to a cookie sheet and cut into shapes. Make sure to punch a hole to hang up the shapes. I strung my wreath on a wide red ribbon. After chilling in the fridge for several hours it was ready to unmold.
Nearing the end of the "Christmas Build-Up", which is my favorite time. Now on to the obligation end of the deal. It's not that I don't appreciate all the invitations, especially this year, but I feel more like staying at home in the quietness.
I must remember everyday: "It's not all about me", and just get up and go.
I have been so blessed by the kindness of friends and I want to wish each and every one of you a Very Merry Christmas.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Defining Who I Am

Forces of the "outside world" have tried to re-define who I am allowed to be. I will not change and I am too big to disappear!