Really?

I'm back to using my old computer again.  The monstrous tower that is the size and weight of a cinder block, the web-browser that uses Internet Explorer 2, the fuzzy, blurry resolution screen.  At the risk of sounding like my thirteen-year-old niece, "REALLY?".  Well, at least I'm here.  There's been a lot of cross-stitching going on in the form of gymnast designs.  I'm gearing up toward the huge District Competition March 17 & 18.  Trying to complete a few designs and also a huge pile of American Girl doll clothes to sell to the "captive audience" of parents and grandparents that wander the halls during the meet.  Afterall, their kid is only up there performing for a total of 4 minutes during a marathon 3 hour session (x two days x three sessions per day).  That could add up to a lot of sales!
Just when I thought Spring might be on the horizon, today is blustery, cloudy and cold.  I can handle it though.  Infact, I welcome it for this particular weekend.  I am judging a large competition on Saturday and if it's cold and snowy then the cats will want to stay inside all day.  This cuts down on the workload for Joe as Designated Cat Monitor while I'm gone.  It also cuts down on my anxiety that no one can replace me as Designated Cat Monitor.  So I can be stressed and nervous over other things.  Like the fact that this is one of the most important private club meets of the season.  Or the fact that I will encounter my former boss from my former club for the first time in over a year.  Or the fact that this type of competition is so much more serious then the Rec League and YMCA meets that I usually judge.  How I got assigned to this one I'll never know.  So I have to put myself "out there" again.  Shouldn't this get easier as I grow older?  Maybe because anxiety and panic have been given so much attention in all the magazines and on the TV doctor shows. It seems to make it more intense for me.  I analyze and re analyze everything.  After all these years I guess I'm finally trendy!  Once I am 'in the moment' I am very focused and get the job done.  It's just the build-up to an event that kills me.  I'm already stressing over an all-day CPR course that I must attend on March 8th, 9am-4pm.  It's not so much about the course material itself, but about encountering other people and especially about being away from the house for such a stretch of time.  How I envy those who "live for the day", and don't look upon the future with such dread.