When did this happen to me? When did I become that compulsive computer person who checks my e-mail, my Etsy shop stats, Facebook and Pinterest and then ignores my blog and those of my friends? When did I become that 500 characters or less blurp writer? When could all that goes on in my head be summed up in a one sentence status update? When did my annual vacation become an obligation!?
I need to find a peaceful place. Once again it's that time of year where looming before me is that trip to New Jersey to visit my parents. It always brings on the flood of anxiety about "abandoning" my cats for a week. Left to their own devices all day while Joe is at work. Left to the hazzards of this street. My compulsion has gotten to the frantic point of even trying to ignore them as much as possible all day to train them to be on their own. Are there no boundries to my manic behavior? When did the thought of going to my beloved childhood home to see my family become an event that brings me to tears every time I think of leaving here? Tell me it's the Change of Life" Tell me it's something that has a diagnosis, a pill to take, a magic button to press to cure it!
During more lucid moments my head is filled with ideas and inspiration to stitch and craft. But nothing actually gets done. Hours pass; days pass and I'm in the same state of "nothingness".
I need to find a peaceful place. I need to find the energy to exercise again; to swim, to ride my bicycle. I need to pick up a needle and thread or needles and yarn and create something. I need to enjoy the Olympics. I wait those four years for those all-consuming two weeks and this year I just can't muster the excitement of years past.
Even after much thought and planning on what to write I find my own words disjointed and rambling. I sit and stare at the screen for long moments. What is my next move, my next word.