Thursday, January 3, 2008


January 3rd. Yuck! This is that awful, boring, cold, dull time of year. I really must take the Christmas tree down, but I just can't bring myself to plunge the living room into darkness. I suppose there are good things about this time of year. Renewal, resolutions. So here I go. Yes, I am officially fat! So my first resolution is to diet. No, not very original as it is my resolution every year at this time. Maybe I shouldn't call it a diet, but go with the more trendy "life-style change". Maybe I should just keep my hand out of the candy jar.......or go so far as to eliminate the jar entirely. That is really the only way I can do it. With my odd genetic mix of pre-destined chubbiness and inherit cheapness, I just can't throw all the bad foods away. That would be a terrible waste of money. So in my own twisted little reality I feel I should eat it all and then just not buy any more of that. There is about a quarter of a jar left of M&Ms on the kitchen counter. Do I throw them away, thereby breaking the multi-generational rule of "waste not want not" and "money doesn't grow on trees"? Or do I ditch them and break the cycle of fatness? On this pleasant note I attach a little poem from my friend Kim:

'Twas after Christmas , and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely reared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please.
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore.
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

And a cross-stitch finish, finally. A cute set of bright-colored chickens. A be-lated Christmas gift to my friend Melissa


  1. Snort! That poem is hilarious! You have some seriously talented friends, Jennifer :o)
    As for being 'fat': I'm sure it's not as bad as all that. I have a solution though: thyroid problems! They're wonderful. I stuff my mouth with absolutely anything I can find and I only lose weight. I'd rather be chubbier though. Freaky world, isn't it?

  2. I'm the same way about not wanting to waste things. I've recently found Freecycling, where instead of throwing perfectly good but unneeded items in the trash you give them to someone who will use them. If you go to this website,, you can search for one near you.

  3. That is an hysterical poem!!!

    Love those funky chickens! :D